I can say that I never had a girlfriend. Well, maybe once, I am not sure. But I can assure that most of my life, I am single.
I am 20 now. FYI, in Indonesia, 20-something is the age that you are supposed to settle down and get married, at least for most of Sundanese. Now that I have a job, graduated, and somewhat "mature enough" (which I am not really), I hear -- not listen -- a lot of questions of: Why are you still single? When will you have a girlfriend? Why don't you approach girls and start a relationship?
Well, first of all, I don't really think that romantic relationship is compulsory. I admit that last year experience with a foreign girl was soothing and sweet, but I don't really think that it is obligatory. One cannot be forced to love, and one cannot be forced not to love, I believe. Maybe there will come a time when I fall in love with somebody and start a relationship, but that doesn't mean that it ought to be now. Maybe that time will come in 10, 15 years, who knows?
Then, I am considering myself engaged to languages and linguistics. I enjoy learning languages just like people enjoy dating. I can spend hours (during the weekend) to learn a language. I laugh at silly language jokes (where do the cats go when they die? PURRgatory. donde van los gatos cuando mueren? purGATOrio). I read language-related materials a lot (sometimes even at work). This is what I do for fun. Unless a girl is interested in spending quality time by learning a new script or enhancing vocabularies or creating our own language, I cannot have a real fun with any girl.
Next, I am in love with myself. I spend my time alone so much that I am able to spend my life without anyone. I am an introvert, and for me social contacts are just like virus. I cannot do that too much. Sometimes I am struck by a social anxiety when there is a lot of people, and I know nobody. I just stay in my place, not wanting to make any contacts with anyone. Sometimes I can alter my personality and socialize well, but afterwards I need a long time with myself, reading books and drinking hot tea, or snuggling in my bed under the blanket while watching Friends or The Flash. I am not totally sure if I get an SO we can spend quality time going out, because I always prefer to stay in my place, in my shorts (unless we are travelling somewhere).
After that, I am skeptical toward love. Maybe I am afraid to love and I cannot make a commitment and responsibility terrifies me a lot. But I know I am skeptical in love. I am a 70-something% T (please refer to MBTI test - I am an INTJ), and sometimes I think that I don't have feeling (teu gableg rarasaan, as the Sundanese say). I would prefer my live unaltered by emotions. I prioritize logic to feeling, and I abandon my feeling a lot. So, I am skeptical in love, feeling, and emotion.
I am basically a language nerd with narcissistic feeling towards himself who think that love is not compulsory and even skeptical in it. Yep, that is more or less the reason.
I am 20 now. FYI, in Indonesia, 20-something is the age that you are supposed to settle down and get married, at least for most of Sundanese. Now that I have a job, graduated, and somewhat "mature enough" (which I am not really), I hear -- not listen -- a lot of questions of: Why are you still single? When will you have a girlfriend? Why don't you approach girls and start a relationship?
Well, first of all, I don't really think that romantic relationship is compulsory. I admit that last year experience with a foreign girl was soothing and sweet, but I don't really think that it is obligatory. One cannot be forced to love, and one cannot be forced not to love, I believe. Maybe there will come a time when I fall in love with somebody and start a relationship, but that doesn't mean that it ought to be now. Maybe that time will come in 10, 15 years, who knows?
Then, I am considering myself engaged to languages and linguistics. I enjoy learning languages just like people enjoy dating. I can spend hours (during the weekend) to learn a language. I laugh at silly language jokes (where do the cats go when they die? PURRgatory. donde van los gatos cuando mueren? purGATOrio). I read language-related materials a lot (sometimes even at work). This is what I do for fun. Unless a girl is interested in spending quality time by learning a new script or enhancing vocabularies or creating our own language, I cannot have a real fun with any girl.
Next, I am in love with myself. I spend my time alone so much that I am able to spend my life without anyone. I am an introvert, and for me social contacts are just like virus. I cannot do that too much. Sometimes I am struck by a social anxiety when there is a lot of people, and I know nobody. I just stay in my place, not wanting to make any contacts with anyone. Sometimes I can alter my personality and socialize well, but afterwards I need a long time with myself, reading books and drinking hot tea, or snuggling in my bed under the blanket while watching Friends or The Flash. I am not totally sure if I get an SO we can spend quality time going out, because I always prefer to stay in my place, in my shorts (unless we are travelling somewhere).
After that, I am skeptical toward love. Maybe I am afraid to love and I cannot make a commitment and responsibility terrifies me a lot. But I know I am skeptical in love. I am a 70-something% T (please refer to MBTI test - I am an INTJ), and sometimes I think that I don't have feeling (teu gableg rarasaan, as the Sundanese say). I would prefer my live unaltered by emotions. I prioritize logic to feeling, and I abandon my feeling a lot. So, I am skeptical in love, feeling, and emotion.
I am basically a language nerd with narcissistic feeling towards himself who think that love is not compulsory and even skeptical in it. Yep, that is more or less the reason.
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